ecto_gammat: ([bn] the bonds of loyalty can)
[personal profile] ecto_gammat
Title: Between Past and Present Tense
Fandom: Burn Notice
Summary: "But in this career path, relationships and self-identity are not prioritized. While spies are trained to be able to ingratiate themselves with others, fooling strangers is a long way from the honesty and communication that people in relationships tend to expect. Combined with an emotionally stunted bedrock, navigating these waters can be ill-advised at best and downright dangerous at worst, often with little hope of success." And yet, despite everything, Michael Westen finds himself trying anyway.
Notes: Companion mix for the brilliant fic of the same name, written for [livejournal.com profile] queer_bigbang. This mix contains spoilers for said fic as well as pretty much the entirety of Burn Notice.







01. velveteen – ilaria graziano
feel you in my hunger
you’re haunting my ambition
beautifully destructive attraction

climbed to zero g’s
now falling like a rock
drugged and digitized you inside a dream


Michael did something then that he probably shouldn’t have, but he wasn’t thinking clearly. He pressed Andre back against a nearby tree and kissed him.

Andre didn’t punch him. In fact, Andre kissed him back, at least until he pushed him away and muttered, “If you pushed me up against poison ivy, Michael, I’m going to kill you.” Then he pushed him up against a tree on the other side of the trail and kissed him again.

02. the way – egypt central
any way you try to tame this growing fire
you couldn’t take away the pain of my desire
all the ways you crept into my head
closing in are the last words that you said


“I thought you were just talking, like we do,” Andre said. “You’re really going to join the Army?”

“What else is there?”

“There’s a hell of a lot,” Andre said, suddenly fierce. “There’s your family and your friends. There’s me.”

“What is there for me to do?” Michael countered. “I don’t want to turn into another thug.”

“Like me?”

“I didn’t say that,” he gritted out. “I just—I have to get the hell out of here. Or—”

“Or what?” he demanded. “Or you’ll end up like me? Say it! That’s what you mean, isn’t it? When the hell did you get too good for all this, Michael? Too good for me?”

“It’s different!” he insisted. “You’re working for bad guys, Andre. I won’t do it. I’m getting out.”

Andre just glared at him. “Then get the fuck out. What the hell do I care?”

Michael matched his glare before storming off. He didn’t look back.

---

Years later, Michael would look back and regret that conversation.

It was the last one they ever had.

03. i'm an animal – kiss
can you feel it burning?
do you understand?
you can make the whole world
bow to your command


Larry was neither fumbling nor desperate. He knew exactly what he was doing, and was taking his time doing it; everything felt targeted, from how firmly he was kissing him, to where he was touching him, to how much he was touching him.

He knew exactly how to make him want.

04. harder to breathe – bullets & octane
for it’s becoming a nightmare
here we have a double door
settle far and push for shore
we can take it
take it


These people hadn’t done anything, aside from be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It wasn’t about what they had done, but what they could do, who they could talk to, what they could say, what they could destroy, whether they meant to or not. The wrong word to the wrong person could put them both in the ground, and that was unacceptable.

05. soul on fire – danzig
come wrap my love in you house of ice
melt you down more than once or twice
make you shake till worlds align
see your body tremble with the blood on fire
‘cause the season in my veins
will end your world


“It’s not something I do a lot,” he admitted, which was true. So far, there was only Larry. “I just—well—”

“I pride myself on being irresistible,” Sam replied, pretty smugly, and pushed him further inside the hotel room, letting the door fall shut behind him. He leaned in, pressing him lightly against the wall, and said, “What’d you have in mind?”

Michael grinned and closed the distance between them, kissing him purposefully. Sam kissed back with enthusiasm, deepening it and pushing him tighter against the wall. Sam’s chest against his was all hard muscle, pinning him in place, and he turned the kiss from merely passionate to fuck, no wonder he’s smug.

06. duality - slipknot
i've gotta say what i've gotta say
and then i swear i'll go away
but i can’t promise you’ll enjoy the noise
i guess i'll save the best for last


“One way or another,” Michael said, tone dark, “he’s going down.”

Sam met and held his gaze. He frowned deeply. “You’ve got to stop that,” he said. “That anger, some of it’s justified, but some of it’s just destructive. He’ll go down. But there are lines, Mike, lines you don’t ever cross, and you need to understand that.”

“The lines are blurred when it comes to guys like him,” Michael said, every muscle in his body feeling tense, like a rope pulled taut. “Sometimes you have to do bad things for good reasons.”

07. sweet lover – zo2
not one for a dozen in a dime
says she ain’t got the time
getting in is a sin when she’s covered
you see she’s not that kind


Everything about Samantha was graceful and effortless, Michael noticed.

It was there in the way she moved, the way she spoke, the way she planned her jobs right down to the last detail, the way she arched into his touch, the way she kissed him. He wasn’t sure how she did it, every time, at the drop of the hat, like it was easy.

08. miss me blind – culture club
bet you got a good gun
bet you know how
to have some fun
and then
you turn it around on me
because i'm better
than the rest of the men


Except for those looks, that was. Those looks, she knew, indicated that Sam really did know Michael, far better than she ever had.

Those looks made her wonder. Friendship was one thing, even best friendship, but to her eye, those looks held something more.

09. psychobitches outta hell – horrorpops
they can’t cook, they don’t clean
they’ll never be good housewives
and they will always mess your lives up
they go further than flirting, they’re down right and dirty

they’re all heartbreakers
that love to be house wreckers
don’t give a damn about your rebel yell


When he looked at Fiona, he didn’t think asset, he thought friend, and that was dangerous, not least because she didn’t even know his real name.

“Beautiful,” Fi said, voice breathy and light, as she put the finishing touches on the bomb she was assembling.

He would’ve agreed, because he could appreciate a job well done, and Fiona was nothing if not good at what she did. At the moment, however, he was more caught up in the way she looked when she was truly concentrating on something, from the laser-light focus of her eyes, to the way her tongue peeked out of her mouth, to the way every part of her seemed to be humming.

“Yes,” he said, belatedly, and she looked up, gracing him with a brilliant smile.

10. name – goo goo dolls
and scars are souvenirs you never lose
the past is never far
did you lose yourself somewhere out there?
did you get to be a star?
and don’t it make you sad to know that life
is more than who we are


“Good. Let’s start now,” she said, sitting down at her kitchen table. “Tell me one completely true thing about you.” She set the gun down and he eyed it. Rolling her eyes, she unloaded it and began to strip it, almost idly.

“What kind of thing?” he asked, sitting down next to her.

“Something not everybody knows,” she said. “I don’t care about your favorite color. I want to know about you, about the man I’ve—the man I’ve been spending so much time with. We’re starting over.”

He thought for a moment, not sure where or how to begin, but also willing to try.

“I joined the Army at seventeen,” he said, eventually, haltingly, and she nodded, now idly inspecting each component of the gun.

“That’s a start,” she said, and glanced up at him, meeting his eyes.

11. plan 9 channel 7 – the damned
she plays her mouth in to a smile
and offers that he stay a while
two hearts that beat as one
and eyes that hardly ever saw the sun


“That’s what I thought,” she said, nodding to herself. “You both are idiots.”

“What?” asked Sam.

“I expect this from Michael, Sam—if he isn’t sacrificing something, he assumes he’s doing something wrong—but I always thought you were more practical about matters like these.” She shook her head. “You don’t have to choose, Michael. Not when I’m perfectly willing to share.”

“What?” That time, it was him.

“Maybe it was something Larry said,” she replied, shrugging. “But it made me start thinking about who you are, what you need, and I think I’ve figured it out. I think you need both of us.” She looked at Sam. “What do you think, Sam? Will you come between a couple if you’re given permission?” She smirked. “In other words, how good are you at sharing?”

12. just drive – in this moment
tonight is the night, let’s follow the moon
you can take the wheel and i'll breathe the wind
with my head back and hands in the air i am flying
just drive


Michael was trying to decipher Sam’s handwriting and didn’t notice the odd silence that settled over the room until it was almost too late. He glanced up to see Fi and Sam eyeing him and each other.

“Let Mikey be the judge,” Sam said, obviously a challenge.

Fi crossed her arms. “You’re sure you won’t be too upset when you lose?”

“Put your money where your mouth is, lady.”

“Michael would probably prefer I put my mouth somewhere else.”

“You’re on.”

13. we own the night – the 69 eyes
we live where there’s no tomorrow
no past, no rules to follow
consumed by the innocence we take
we live out all of our days
in the absence of light
just for one kiss as the lovers unite


“Then you do know about them, dear?” his mom asked her, looking concerned.

Fi smiled reassuringly. “I encouraged them, Madeline. You didn’t think they were going behind my back?”

“I didn’t want to,” she admitted, “but the way they’ve both been acting, and then Sam brushed off a beautiful woman when we were out shopping the other day, I couldn’t help but wonder.”

That’s what I did,” Sam said, realization dawning on his features.

Michael snorted. “For me, Sam?” he asked dryly.

“And me?” Fi added, giving him a coy expression.

He rolled his eyes and muttered something unintelligible under his breath.

14. everything will be alright – the killers
i believe in you and me
i'm coming to find you
if it takes me all night
wrong until you make it right
and i won’t forget you
at least i'll try
and run, and run tonight
everything will be alright


Be it the constant travel, the intimacy issues, the manipulation, the lifestyle, the way things are kept close to the vest, or the inability to be completely honest, most of time, it won’t work out.

Of course, that only makes it all the more remarkable when it does.




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